your parents love me but you hate me
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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