saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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