I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
