I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
