dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
should my penis look like a turkey
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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