everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
