i don't like sucking hair
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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