why im i the only drunk person in the library?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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