How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
