Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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