2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
