You smell like stripper and shame
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
