Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
