please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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