Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
