all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
