It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
