I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
