Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
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