this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
