Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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