I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
