i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
