"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
