you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
