They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
