we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
