No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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