How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
