I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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