Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
