I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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