maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
