made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
