It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
