No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
