he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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