That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
