Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Panties = found
Randomize
