I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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