and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Randomize
