you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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