Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
