"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
