He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
