I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I can text with my tongue
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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