Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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