Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
