This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
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