Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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